I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize