I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
What drink are we having for lunch?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Randomize
