For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
