like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
