Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im holly from the hills drunk
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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