Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
