So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
