nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
