he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
