I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
