did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
