who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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