I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
