wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
