so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
