you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
True strength comes from lack of pants
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
