I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
