It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
