The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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