it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
