So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
