escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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