I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
