she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
