Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
