i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Boobs speak an international language.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
