I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
