Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
