I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
