i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
