Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My vagina is officially offended.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
