Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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