i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
