i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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