When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
