Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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