think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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