i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
