Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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