Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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