ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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