I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
