I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't deserve a penis
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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