life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
