I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
