i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
