I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
