i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
