the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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