We named our party play list daddy issues
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I need to wash the frat house off of me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
