That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
