he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
